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Indefatigable Old Boys Awards Ceremony

    News & Events, People & Places    August 8, 2018

The Old Boys celebrated their 2017/2018 season with the Annual Awards Ceremony at the Tweedle residence on August 4th. This years Awards Ceremony had been held back due to the absence of stalwart Head Statistician, Columnist, and Sausage Roll connoisseur Fraser Hope while on his sojourns back to bonnie Scotland. Quite what Hope was up to for the last few months we’re not quite sure, but perhaps like those Scotsmen still trying to get back from Argentina after the 1978 World Cup Finals, he may have gotten a little lost along the way.

The number of awards handed out this year expanded with the addition of the Wimp Award (Reverse Iron Man), Defensive Rock, the Bounce Back, and a special award of recognition, that added to the Red Mist, Iron Man, the Helping Boot, the Best Fan, and the crème de la crème of awards, the Golden Boot.

As a result of accounting changes made following the 2007 financial crisis and in keeping with the International Financial and Reporting Standards, all Old Boy statistics have been audited since the 2016/17 season by the firm of Hope, Aston, and Stotesbury. The accounting firm’s report noted “In our opinion, the statistical reporting presents fairly, in all material aspects, the position of the Old Boy Player and Team statistics as of April 30, 2018.” It was noteworthy that no mention was made of the state of the Old Boys finances or of the balance in the Beer Cooler.

The first award handed out was the Red Mist Award. This is given to players who exhibit an overly zealous reaction on the pitch (and sometimes off it) to an incident, actual or perceived. While Dave “Yogi” Toynbee had impressive credentials after an alteration with an opponent who had hacked down one of Dave’s Old Boy team mates, this year’s award and Winner of the Old Boys Red Mist Award for 2017/18 was Scott Howe for the consistency of the ‘Red Mist’ that emanated from Howe throughout the season.

Next up was the newly created Reverse Iron Man (aka Wimp Award) for the person making the fewest appearances in an Old Boy shirt. Nominees included Wade ter Heide, Ranier Funk, and perennial nominee for this award Mike Davis, along with Antonio Alonso. The 2017/18 Old Boys award for Reverse Iron Man went to Antonio Alonso for making a grand total of 2 appearances. While a case was made that his spirit, while cavorting in India for much of the year, had made numerous appearances, this was rejected by the Auditors.

Antonio Alonso accepting his award of a pad of Absence Notes

Of more impressive stature was the next award that of Iron Man. The top 3 nominees for this award (missing only 4 games in total amongst all 3 of them note Mr. Alonso) were Mark Aston, Graham Tweddle, and Mike McCormick. The 2017/18 Old Boys Iron Man was Mike (aka the Salt Spring Salah) McCormick.

Next up was the Best Fan Award, which was given to Rita Tweedle for her consistent attendance at Old Boys home games. Rita, despite her youthful years, was able to overcome the rollercoaster of emotions as the Old Boys lurched from 6-0 victories to 8-2 losses.

Rita Tweddle, the Old Boys #1 Fan in 2017/18, observed by Fraser Hope

The newly minted Defensive Rock award was hotly contested and is awarded to the defensive player who has the fewest own goals or assists for the opposition, combined with the most assists and goals for the Old Boys, per game played (refer to Note 458dii of the Audited Statements). Five nominees contested this award: Wade ter Heide, Don Brown, Scott Howe, Sean Goddard, and Graham Tweddle. The winner of the first ever Old Boys Defensive Rock Award for 2017/18 was Sean (I think I’m still hurt) Goddard.

The newly minted ‘Bounce Back’ Award was presented to Don Brown for bouncing back from serious injury midway through the season to help add some steel to the Old Boys defensive line in the second half of the year.

Next up was the Helping Boot Award, for the player with the most assists. The top 3 nominees were Andrew Haigh, Mike McCormick, and Mark Aston, with the award for the 3rd year running going to Mark Aston.

Before the award of the Golden Boot a special recognition was made to Old Boys Manager Graham Tweedle who was given a gift certificate to Moby’s to recognise his stalwart service in coordinating the Old Boys Team and leading them to another winning (just) season of 10 wins, 9 losses and 6 ties. Talk around the beer cooler was that the team didn’t want to extend Tweddle’s contract long term, but wanted to avoid having Jose Mourinho descend on the team once he has been canned this coming year by Man Utd. Thus, an Allardyce type bung payment was thought to be the best option.

Finally, the Golden Boot Award nominees were presented. The top 5 candidates vying for this most prestigious of awards were Kerry Walker, Mark Aston, Mike McCormick, Stefan Cermak, and Dave Toynbee who was looking to make it a Golden Boot for 3 years running. The winner, by a massive margin having scored a total of 26 goals (1.04 goals per game) during the 2017/18 season was the Salt Spring Salah, Mike McCormick.

The Salt Spring Salah (left) receives some instruction on how to score more goals next year from Manager Tweedle, after receiving the Golden Boot.

The Old Boys new season kicks off again in mid September with the players now considering if they should entertain any pre-season training at all. Trade rumours abound and there is talk of new recruits but as with all local community initiatives financial resources are always in short supply. Donations are now being collected to swell the Old Boys Beer Cooler so that potential new recruits might be enticed to sign up.

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